SPIRITUAL ABUSE IN THE ONLINE CONJURE COMMUNITIES
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For many years, I worked with survivors of sexual assault as a therapist in the "real world," so those of you who know me from that context will not be surprised that I would make a statement about this. For those of you who only know me from online, now you know something else about me. Spiritual abuse is rampant in the Conjure communities online and offline. As a survivor myself, I will not stand by and be silent. There's no sippin' tea on this one.
I have been approached this year on more than one occasion by women who have experienced a violation by so-called spiritual leaders in the ATRs and online conjure communities. In each case, the women had entrusted the man with their vulnerabilities and sought spiritual help for various issues. These men - these predators - took advantage of these women and crossed boundaries that should never have been crossed. From inappropriate comments to beatings to sending photos of their penises to rape - it runs the gamut. Each incident included threats of violence against the person and their families and each incident included being bullied online and offline.
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In this business of conjure, a popular intimidation tactic is to threaten the victim with a curse. This week, for example, I was called a whore and threatened with a curse if I did not keep this man's name out of my mouth, despite the fact that I had not publicly spoken his name outside of an interaction with him the day before when he came on my personal page making inappropriate comments about a reputable and well-respected spiritual leader in New Orleans. My response to him was the same as it would be to anyone who comes on my personal page with negative and disrespectful comments about our spiritual leaders, or any kind of personal negative agenda, or that matter. Ethical spiritual leaders do a lot for the community, while people like this do absolutely nothing. When he mentioned two names, it became clear he has been associating with known haters and it has unfortunately rubbed off on him. Mind you, I had never spoken an ill word to the person and always welcomed him in my group and treated him with respect. The following day, he dropped this bomb in my group, unprovoked:
Doc Rasheed Kelly 3:39pm Apr 1
To the whore that lives in arazona (denise) Keep my name out of your mouth before i put a hex on you .
Now, some people may have been intimidated by such an action, but not me. I am old enough to be his grandmother, for one, and have lived long enough to know a punk when I smell one. And even though his associates have been reportedly after me for several years hell-bent on proving me a fraud, I am not afraid of them or any of their spirits, threats or associates. If there was something to be found, it would have been found already. It's really time to let that one go. Oh, and lest I forget, it is spelled A-R-I-Z-O-N-A, btw. And yes, I reproduced your name, along with the exact time and date of your post - your fault since you boldly and without concern posted it in a public forum first.
Now, the above example is not related to a sexual assault, but it is a good example of cyberbullying (pathetic though it it may be). And, it is the exact kind of thing that women who suffer other forms of abuse experience. Depending on their state of mind, it can be frightening to be targeted in a public forum - to be threatened with a hex in a group of peers who believe in such things. Frightening, especially on the heels of physical or sexual assault when they are at their most vulnerable.
It's no wonder these women are held captive in their silence. When they share their stories they are often revictimized. If they decide to share, the person hearing about the atrocity and "friend" of the known spiritual leader wants to know what she did to provoke the man. Was she drinking? Does she have a history of prostitution? Was she flirting with him? Did she have sex with him without saying no? Is she posting provocative photos? Is she posting photos that show she is in distress? The online community is especially vicious towards victims. They are masters at the shame and blame game.
The amount of hateful spew I witnessed coming out of some mouths concerning a related issue caused me to "unfriend" quite a few people on Facebook who, in my opinion should know better and who were unfortunately on my friends list. The amount of ignorance and denial is staggering. People won't even entertain the possibility that what the woman claims may be true. Instead it is couched in racism or some other psychological deflection that makes the whole subject more palatable to onlookers. For whatever reason - maybe they have been victims themselves in their lives and have yet to come to terms with the effects of the experience, or maybe they are afraid of the repercussions should they stand with the victim - whatever the reason, these people refuse to see the truth. Sadly, they are blinded by the silver tongues whispering in their ears.
Some of us in positions of influence in the online community have been talking amongst ourselves about these issues. Survivors are archiving documents, photos and other material artifacts of spiritual abuse, because you know, these things have a way of getting out and about. We have discussed with each other how we feel about things, and how we can be of service to our wounded communities. One person who has vowed to stand with me on the issue of spiritual abuse and who is not afraid to go public is Absolem "Doc Mojo" Yetzirah.
Absolem and I were discussing the issue of silence and the tactics perpetrators and predators use to keep a community silent. We agreed that threats of violence are most common. Next to that and actually in tandem with that is the threat of curses. Absolem had this to say on the topic:
Now, the above example is not related to a sexual assault, but it is a good example of cyberbullying (pathetic though it it may be). And, it is the exact kind of thing that women who suffer other forms of abuse experience. Depending on their state of mind, it can be frightening to be targeted in a public forum - to be threatened with a hex in a group of peers who believe in such things. Frightening, especially on the heels of physical or sexual assault when they are at their most vulnerable.
It's no wonder these women are held captive in their silence. When they share their stories they are often revictimized. If they decide to share, the person hearing about the atrocity and "friend" of the known spiritual leader wants to know what she did to provoke the man. Was she drinking? Does she have a history of prostitution? Was she flirting with him? Did she have sex with him without saying no? Is she posting provocative photos? Is she posting photos that show she is in distress? The online community is especially vicious towards victims. They are masters at the shame and blame game.
The amount of hateful spew I witnessed coming out of some mouths concerning a related issue caused me to "unfriend" quite a few people on Facebook who, in my opinion should know better and who were unfortunately on my friends list. The amount of ignorance and denial is staggering. People won't even entertain the possibility that what the woman claims may be true. Instead it is couched in racism or some other psychological deflection that makes the whole subject more palatable to onlookers. For whatever reason - maybe they have been victims themselves in their lives and have yet to come to terms with the effects of the experience, or maybe they are afraid of the repercussions should they stand with the victim - whatever the reason, these people refuse to see the truth. Sadly, they are blinded by the silver tongues whispering in their ears.
Some of us in positions of influence in the online community have been talking amongst ourselves about these issues. Survivors are archiving documents, photos and other material artifacts of spiritual abuse, because you know, these things have a way of getting out and about. We have discussed with each other how we feel about things, and how we can be of service to our wounded communities. One person who has vowed to stand with me on the issue of spiritual abuse and who is not afraid to go public is Absolem "Doc Mojo" Yetzirah.
Absolem and I were discussing the issue of silence and the tactics perpetrators and predators use to keep a community silent. We agreed that threats of violence are most common. Next to that and actually in tandem with that is the threat of curses. Absolem had this to say on the topic:
Just a bit of truth when it comes to laying curses. This practice means that you are about to be in control of someone's life in regards to what you are about to lay. Now, I am not attempting to offend by what I am about to say, but truth is truth. Before you attempt to take control of someone's life, you better have a tight grasp on the reigns of your own. If you don't, you should most definitely prepare for your life to become even more unstable than what it previously was. Also, for those out there who have been bullied by other spiritual leaders, do not fear them. The light will always conquer the darkness. If someone is threatening you with curses or dark magick to keep you silent or intimidated, you need to release your fear, for darkness may not triumph over light, unless you allow it. Do not fear the unjust who try to overpower you with idle threats. And my beautiful beings, should you need someone to lift you up, Doc is here and fears no man on this plane and no spirit from the next or the past. I stand in the light of Truth and call you to stand with me. Stand up against injustice. Stand up against Spiritual Bullies. Stand up against the darkness. Lift your head and fear no more.
So what can we do, besides name the perpetrators? Unfortunately, we cannot make frivolous allegations for legal reasons. Furthermore, we do not want to revictimize the victims. It is the victims' ultimate choice as to whether or not they wish to go public and to pursue legal action. That is not for us to decide. Everyone handles trauma differently. What we can do is offer a supportive ear, offer supportive spiritual services, and guide them to advocacy for seeking legal recourse should they choose to do so. As educators, we can provide information to help laypeople identify predatory behavior and we can join forces with other spiritual leaders and members of the various communities to hold each other accountable for our behavior.
To all of you who look to our spiritual leaders for help, and for those of you who sought help and were betrayed, let me point out a few things that may be helpful. Some of these guidelines may be obvious to those in the know. But for those who are new to conjure practices, it may not be as obvious.
Every woman reading this article should download one of the following free safety apps to your phone; descriptions are courtesy of Womensissues.about.com:
1. Circle of 6
Free
Available on iPhone
This app is a must-have for any woman with an iPhone. Designed for college students, Circle of 6 is also useful for anyone who wants an easy-to-use system to alert friends when she's in a threatening situation. Two taps will send out one of three predetermined text messages to 6 contacts of your choice including a call for help getting home that automatically includes an address and map of your exact location, or a request for a phone call from you to break up a tense situation. The app also contains pre-programmed national hotline numbers and a local number you can customize for campus security, police or 911.
2. Hollaback!
Free
Available on iPhone and Android
""Hollaback! You have the power to end street harassment" is the tag line for this app which tackles the crime one perpetrator at a time. Users can choose to take and upload a photo of their harasser "caught in the act" and submit their story to be recorded and mapped on ihollaback.org. This not only signals the perpetrator that his image will be shared and posted on a street harassment prevention website, but also warns others of areas in which harassment occurs. Hollaback's premise is that "street harassment is a gateway crime that makes other forms of gender-based violence OK." They encourage users to submit stories and photos of street harassment at every level from catcalls from total strangers to groping hands on a crowded bus and individuals exposing themselves on a subway.
3. bSafe
Free and Subscription Versions
Available on iPhone, Android, BlackBerry
A personal safety alarm that sends an emergency message to your chosen contacts with the push of a single button, bSafe's slogan is "Never walk alone." The free version allows you to set up a safety net of "Guardians" who can respond to your SOS text message. All Guardians receive a text message with a link to a map showing your location via GPS. You can also program a Fake Incoming Call if you are threatened, with six options for when the call should be initiated (immediately, 5 seconds, 15 seconds, 1 minute, 5 minutes, 10 minutes.) The subscription version of bSafe gives you two additional levels of safety: a Risk Mode with real time GPS tracking of your position, and a Timer Mode with automatic alarm activation (e.g. if you don't log in after the programmed time period, your Guardians will receive an alert with your entire route mapped out.) The cost for the bSafe Premium subscription is $1.99/month or $14.99/year.
4. Guardly
Free and Subscription Versions
Available on iPhone, iPod Touch, Android, BlackBerry, Windows Phone 7
Guardly is a personal safety service that instantly connects you with your safety network and authorities in an emergency. This app differs from others in that it places a phone call to your contacts with your name, exact location, the type of emergency. (Being able to specify different contacts for different types of emergencies -- such as "Peanut Allergy," "Stroke" or "Walking Home Alone" -- differentiates this from other apps, and it also enable you to identify different locations you frequent such as "Home," "School" or "Work.") There's also a profile page where you can include personal information such as birthdate, eye/hair color, height, weight, blood type, plus medical information including existing conditions, allergies, medications, your doctor's name and phone number, insurance details and policy number. The subscription service enables responders to connect by conference call, and also texts/emails the group a link to an emergency response site where they can exchange messages, send photos, and locate each other on a map. The paid version also includes live location tracking and a direct connection to 911. Guardly Premium is $1.99/month or $19.99/year.
5. cab4me
Free and Subscription Versions
Available on iPhone and Android
Get a cab. Anytime. Anywhere. That's the idea behind this mobile cab finder app. Click on cab4me and your phone's GPS shows your position on a map. You can select that as your approximate pickup location or choose a nearby taxi stand if one shows up based on available data. (The cab4me database will only show those companies willing to pick you up at your chosen location.) Switch to the call tab to get a list of local cab companies hand-picked by the cab4me database with available car types or payment methods. If the database has no cab company for your area, a local web search is performed so you'll always get a result. A Favorites tab enables you to quickly access your favorite companies and the app maintains a history of those you've recently called. The paid version at $1.99 includes a Trip Calculator so you can figure out the cost in advance.
To all of you who look to our spiritual leaders for help, and for those of you who sought help and were betrayed, let me point out a few things that may be helpful. Some of these guidelines may be obvious to those in the know. But for those who are new to conjure practices, it may not be as obvious.
- Never, ever should you have to undress in the presence of a man. Ever. For any spiritual reason whatsoever. The minute you are asked to disrobe by a man, that is your cue to leave. Now, some people do ask clients to disrobe for spiritual baths. There should always be a woman present and you should always have the option of saying no, and not feel pressured or bad for not wanting to comply. Do not ever feel like you are not getting the full benefit if you do not disrobe. It is not necessary or usual.
- A man should not ever put their hands on your breasts or genitals for any reason. Ever. Furthermore, any healer should ask permission before touching your person. It is ethical and respectful to ask first. It is a sign that the individual has received some training in their interactions with clients. To do otherwise is a red flag and sign to leave the situation immediately.
- Never ever should you have to have sex with a "spiritual leader." For any reason whatsoever. No matter if you owe them money for an overpriced working and can't pay, or for getting "juices" or other personal concerns for conjure work, spiritual work never involves having sex with your worker.
- Listen to your gut. If you feel uncomfortable and don't know why, go with it. You do not have to know why you feel that way. Our gut instinct is there as a survival mechanism. It is an early alarm system. Listen to it. Avoid any worker that elicits that feeling from you. It doesn't mean they are a predator necessarily, but it does mean you are not comfortable and should wait and process your feelings about the worker with a confidant, and/or change workers. Maybe a female worker would be a better match.
- Always tell someone where you are going or have a friend accompany you if you are getting spiritual work done face to face.
Every woman reading this article should download one of the following free safety apps to your phone; descriptions are courtesy of Womensissues.about.com:
1. Circle of 6
Free
Available on iPhone
This app is a must-have for any woman with an iPhone. Designed for college students, Circle of 6 is also useful for anyone who wants an easy-to-use system to alert friends when she's in a threatening situation. Two taps will send out one of three predetermined text messages to 6 contacts of your choice including a call for help getting home that automatically includes an address and map of your exact location, or a request for a phone call from you to break up a tense situation. The app also contains pre-programmed national hotline numbers and a local number you can customize for campus security, police or 911.
2. Hollaback!
Free
Available on iPhone and Android
""Hollaback! You have the power to end street harassment" is the tag line for this app which tackles the crime one perpetrator at a time. Users can choose to take and upload a photo of their harasser "caught in the act" and submit their story to be recorded and mapped on ihollaback.org. This not only signals the perpetrator that his image will be shared and posted on a street harassment prevention website, but also warns others of areas in which harassment occurs. Hollaback's premise is that "street harassment is a gateway crime that makes other forms of gender-based violence OK." They encourage users to submit stories and photos of street harassment at every level from catcalls from total strangers to groping hands on a crowded bus and individuals exposing themselves on a subway.
3. bSafe
Free and Subscription Versions
Available on iPhone, Android, BlackBerry
A personal safety alarm that sends an emergency message to your chosen contacts with the push of a single button, bSafe's slogan is "Never walk alone." The free version allows you to set up a safety net of "Guardians" who can respond to your SOS text message. All Guardians receive a text message with a link to a map showing your location via GPS. You can also program a Fake Incoming Call if you are threatened, with six options for when the call should be initiated (immediately, 5 seconds, 15 seconds, 1 minute, 5 minutes, 10 minutes.) The subscription version of bSafe gives you two additional levels of safety: a Risk Mode with real time GPS tracking of your position, and a Timer Mode with automatic alarm activation (e.g. if you don't log in after the programmed time period, your Guardians will receive an alert with your entire route mapped out.) The cost for the bSafe Premium subscription is $1.99/month or $14.99/year.
4. Guardly
Free and Subscription Versions
Available on iPhone, iPod Touch, Android, BlackBerry, Windows Phone 7
Guardly is a personal safety service that instantly connects you with your safety network and authorities in an emergency. This app differs from others in that it places a phone call to your contacts with your name, exact location, the type of emergency. (Being able to specify different contacts for different types of emergencies -- such as "Peanut Allergy," "Stroke" or "Walking Home Alone" -- differentiates this from other apps, and it also enable you to identify different locations you frequent such as "Home," "School" or "Work.") There's also a profile page where you can include personal information such as birthdate, eye/hair color, height, weight, blood type, plus medical information including existing conditions, allergies, medications, your doctor's name and phone number, insurance details and policy number. The subscription service enables responders to connect by conference call, and also texts/emails the group a link to an emergency response site where they can exchange messages, send photos, and locate each other on a map. The paid version also includes live location tracking and a direct connection to 911. Guardly Premium is $1.99/month or $19.99/year.
5. cab4me
Free and Subscription Versions
Available on iPhone and Android
Get a cab. Anytime. Anywhere. That's the idea behind this mobile cab finder app. Click on cab4me and your phone's GPS shows your position on a map. You can select that as your approximate pickup location or choose a nearby taxi stand if one shows up based on available data. (The cab4me database will only show those companies willing to pick you up at your chosen location.) Switch to the call tab to get a list of local cab companies hand-picked by the cab4me database with available car types or payment methods. If the database has no cab company for your area, a local web search is performed so you'll always get a result. A Favorites tab enables you to quickly access your favorite companies and the app maintains a history of those you've recently called. The paid version at $1.99 includes a Trip Calculator so you can figure out the cost in advance.
Undoubtedly, this article will agitate some people. I will likely be threatened with more hexes and curses. I will likely be told someone is sending their muertos after me. I'm shaking in my boots. Do you see me shaking? No? Oh, that's right...because I am not shaking. I am not afraid of these people. I can see through glass houses, and glass houses all have one thing in common: they eventually shatter and cut those living inside them. And, to quote a popular meme: If the shoe fits, feel free to lace that bitch up.
The official commentary of the American Society for the Preservation of Palo Mayombe on the phenomenon of sexual assault. This article provides a general overview of what sexual assault is, and a list of community resources to contact when in need of assistance. This article provides a great overview of what to do should you find yourself to be a victim of sexual assault.
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