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The Top Three Things to NOT Ask of St. Expedite

2/5/2015

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Top three things NOT to ask St Expedite for...or me, for that matter (please, really, just don't). WARNING: The following may be found offensive to some folks living in an alternate reality. However, it is based on true requests and reports. Here goes..and hold on to your hats cuz...well...
  1. You want a bigger penis. Ay yi yi....okay, well, totally inappropriate request to petition St. Expedite for this one. While it is said he will grant any wish, this is simply wishful thinking. Though you can try my magickal waxing the wanker oil (piece of burdock root steeped in almond oil), I can't promise you anything but a temporary reprieve with this one. LOL
  2. To sell your soul to the Devil. Woopsie, wrong saint.
  3. You want to be a famous fashion model...HODIE. Think about how much this request entails....are you pretty enough? Tall enough? Skinny enough? After answering these questions, does this still like the industry you want to be in? Furthermore, this is not the kind of thing St. Expedite has control over. Just like #1, he did not create you, if your physical characteristics are not, well a good fit, then don't set yourself up for disappointment. If you still want to pursue this career path, a more realistic request would be something like, St. Expedite, help me get an interview with a modeling agency.

For more tips, go here to purchase the book The Conjurer's Guide to St. Expedite.
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    Denise Alvarado

    Author and Voodoo Muser, setting lights, working mojo, throwing wanga, and working wonders in liminal spaces and dusty crossroads.

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  • Home
  • Blog
  • Folklore
    • African Legend of the Crocodile
    • Apache Tears
    • Friday the 13th: Myth, Superstition or Reality?
    • The Legend of Poor Cow and his Shadow
    • Uncle Monday
  • Love
    • Love Charms
    • Top Ten Reasons Love Spells Don't Work
  • General Musings
    • Spiritual Abuse in the Online Conjure Communities
    • Help an Elder: Buy a Gullah Bible
    • International Shrine for Marie Laveau
    • Completely Unoriginal and Totally Cliché
    • Happily Ever After
    • In the World of Hoodoo, Payback is a Bitch
    • Top Curious Email of the Day: Infinite Eternities
    • Star Bigot of the Day: Arnis Osis
  • Ask Voodoo Mama
    • Ask Voodoo Mama: Is There Anything a Voodoo Doll Can't Do?
    • Ask Voodoo Mama: Can You Like, Kill a Person with a Voodoo Doll?
  • Recipes and Formulas
    • Creole Jambalaya
    • Shrimp Bogged Down in Rice
    • Formula for Summoning Spirits
  • Saints and Folk Saints
    • St. Expedite in New Orleans
    • St. Helena, Patron Saint of the Cross and Divorcees
  • #Armchairhoodoo
  • Interviews & Reviews
  • Law of Attraction
  • Rootwork, Conjure and Hoodoo
    • Bottle Spells
    • Conjure Doctors
    • Doll Magick
    • Money and Finances
    • Spiritual Baths & Cleansings
    • Stop Gossip Spells
  • Scams, Frauds & Fakers
    • On the Issue of Fake Spiritualists and Psychic Scams
    • Scammers, Fake Reporters and Miserable Jameses, Watch Out for my Loup Garou!
    • In the World of Hoodoo, Payback is a Bitch
  • Videos
  • Voodoo, Voudou, Vodou, Vodun
    • Annie Christmas
    • Busting Myths about New Orleans Voudou
    • The Story of Zombies in Haiti
    • Worshippers of the Voodoo
  • Amazon Bookstore
  • Contact